Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-2248043-20151127092422/@comment-2248043-20151128061303

GumdropPP555-Funtime wrote: I just need to think of what.. But otherwise here: http://yandere-simulator.wikia.com/wiki/User:GumdropPP555-Funtime/GumdropsEditPractice Just some small mistakes.

Never use "you" in an article. Posts are totally fine, but "you" just isn't professional. I know that this is obvious, but it must be stated because it must be remembered. It is such an easy mistake to make, after all. I actually had a hard time myself thinking of different things to replace "you", but here's my current list.


 * Yandere-chan.
 * The protagonist.
 * The main character.
 * The player character.
 * The player.

It's good that I got some more words, otherwise I would've just put "the protagonist" every single time.

Parentheses should usually be put before a period. However, be sure to not use them often. They can usually obstruct the true view of a sentence with everything it adds on. The pair of parentheses used on the very first sentence could've been put as,

Personas are triggers of different reactions that NPCs will have if they catch [the protagonist] at all doing Yandere Actions, such as killing.

However, it should also be noted that since Yandere Actions include things like panty shots, then it shouldn't be there. Currently, personas are more related about murder and don't affect their reaction to things like low sanity. It might change in the future, but unless you have a reference then that should be removed. Also, the protagonist doesn't have to be involved with the murder situation for an NPC to react. For example, if a Teacher's Pet saw a corpse on school grounds but Yandere-chan wasn't in the Teacher's Pet's line of sight, it would not change the fact that the student would still go tell a teacher.

If the page says "the latest update" right before something like "November 15th Update" then there's no need for both. I suggest putting "November 16th, 2015 Update" instead because it's better than "the latest update". It will show editors and readers that that part of the article was updated then, so if there's a newer update out, like the December 1st, 2015 Build then the page should be changed. It's much more specific.

Also, if there's a bug-fixing build out like the 16th then that should be put as the most recent build. It's understandable though if you didn't get the news though, but it's best to check the Downloads page of the Dev's wordpress often.

(Skip to end of paragraph if you want) Anyways, "personas" shouldn't be capitalized because it's just a thing. Things that are capitalized, like "Update", are part of the name. Single words for personas like "Heroic" should be capitalized because they are the name of a specific group. However, "rivals" are a group of NPCs with a specific purpose, so by that logic "rivals" should be capitalized too. However, it's the way that the word is used here that changes the grammar rule. Like, rivals outside of Yandere Simulator still mean that they're competing with someone for the same thing. Personas in this still refer to the same thing, except Yandere Simulator is more about their reaction to murder more than anything else. However, the types of personas are a bit more varied. I mean really, every single Loner (Coward will be renamed Loner) in real life runs home when they see a corpse? If I saw a corpse, I would tell a really justice-minded teacher. I wouldn't run home because my home is far away from my school. If I saw a murder I might jump in to help, run away to hide or run away and alert others. A person who is "evil" in real life, who would see the protagonist murdering someone might instead run away if they can and then use it as blackmail. The personas for this game aren't bad at all, they're just more set in stone. Like, a lot more set in stone on their reactions. Therefore, since it means something even more different than it's real life definition, it is capitalized.

So basically, if a word here (not a name or a place of course) has a more varied meaning than its meaning in real life, it should be capitalized. If the word is more close to its original definition, then it's not capitalized. Rivals are essentially people who are competing for the same goal as you, so it could pass as its original definition. However, the definitions of the types of personas are too exact and set in stone for them to pass. (End!)

Moving on, the Devoted and Social Butterfly personas aren't fully implemented yet. There is no student that does what a Social Butterfly does. The Devoted persona doesn't really count because it's just about what if the player could see Yandere-chan's profile in Student Info. If it's implemented then what number does it have in the JSON thing? Same goes for Social Butterfly. Therefore, the whole paragraph should instead be about the four personas that are in the game and are fully implemented, with the other two personas on the side.

Here's what your page should look like. I'm sorry it took so long to post this, I just needed some time to think about things and then type it out. The capitalization rule was the main thing that really got to me, but I got around it eventually. I hope this helps!