User blog:SenpaiSeekingYandere/If I had a Yandere girlfriend.

If I had a Yandere girlfriend. By Senpai-kun.
====Ever since I've heard of this whole Yandere thing going around, it's gotten me interested. I started looking more into this critereon and discovered something I immediately fell in love with. The idea of a girl who-so devoted into her love she's willing to do anything to prove her love and keep anyone who tries to keep her from being with them away. A girl who will never leave the person she loves the most, and will try their hardest to make their love happy as possible. The idea of someone dedicated, someone so loyal that will never betray you or hurt you on purpose. I fell in love with the idea.====

Anyways, back to the real story...
This may sound weird, but am I the only person who may actually kind of /Want/ that sort of thing? Not for the sole purpose of killing or hurting others I don't like, but for the purpose of caring, loving, compassionate feelings. The person who is willing to go to any length of detail to help you and love you with all their willpower.

For as long as I can remember, I've never actually felt true love... for or from anyone. Being a male, I've only felt desires. That's about it. And when situations required it, I sort of forced myself to feel like I'm in love with this person, or forced myself to show emotions when I couldn't. I lied to myself and the world. ...I don't know what I am. I don't know what I'm doing. But I want to feel something.

..But at the same time, I don't.

I don't want to feel emotions.

I don't want to feel love.

I don't want to feel happiness.

All of these things are temporary. Either eventually or Till Death Do Us Part.

I don't like the idea of losing things. I just want something I can hold onto, a reason for existing. I want something to have.

All my life I've had this weird feeling that something is missing. I could never figure out what it was. For days, months, and several years and years of doing nothing, I would temporarily starve away this feeling by eating, or playing video games. But I could never get rid of this feeling that I so desperately needed something.

I don't know what it is.

I don't know what it was.

I don't know- if it still is.

Whatever it is, I want to know what it is. Then; and only then will I decided if I want it in my life or not.

You can never tell what a person wants until you show it to them.